Lets play!

'This is a place with extreme weather, when it rains it bloody comes down like buckets on ecstacy'.
With these words under her breath Kaamini pulled her feet inside, no use though, her new shoes were already drenched. She tried to look outside and all she saw was rain, thick, heavy drops of water making it impossible to see anything else. The streetlights appeared as small balls of fire trying to make their way through a huge, dense waterfall. It was exactly this kind of night that she was not very comfortable in but she dint really have much of an option.The rickshaw driver behaving the way he was, wasn't making it any easier. Jhonny, the way he was called by everyone was not in the best of his moods. but then was he ever in a good mood?

'Why should i be in a good mood? what do i have that should instill happiness and exuberance in me?'

There was no exchange of words, it would have been futile in any case, the roar of the water gushing through the air would make any words or shouts incomprehensible.

Kamini asked the same question she had asked 10 times already 'Kab pahuchengey'?

Jhonny shouted back 'Abhee time hai', something that he'd said all the 10 times she asked him the question.

Jhonny shouted this and turned his head back to the road, and exactly the same moment the rickshaw made a spluttering sound, like a pigeon caught in the blades of a table fan the engine made dying noises.

splutterrr....sprutttt.....sprruuuutttttt.....

And there it was, the engine was dead.

'What more could go wrong with this bloody night' she said. Jhonny completely disregarded and stopped on the side of the road.

Minutes passed before a truck passed, but the driver was in no mood to slow down, his reflexes cut by a tenth thanks to the desi tharra he had just had on the last stop.

Half an hour and a lot of curse words later a rickshaw appeared. Jhonny thrust his hand out in the rain. The rick stopped. Even in that dark night she could see the rick driver smiling.

'Thhhhuuuuu' out came an endless deep red stream of chewed pan masala splattered on the gravel, in a shape only a earnest paintbrush could make.
Barely wiping his mouth clean he opened his mouth again, words came out this time
'Kya hua?' Ram badan asked rather jestingly,
'Band pad gayee gadiyaa' Jhonny said. He added 'Madame ko Safed Pul tak chod da zara, hum gadiya ko dekh lengey'

Kamini shot an angry look towards Jhonny, it was not the sort of night you take lift from strangers. But soon realised this was her only option to get out of here and this creepy rick guy.

RB saw the chemistry between them and knew she would be more comfortable in his rick around 2 men than she was with that weirdo Jhonny.

'Aeye madame, saheb bhee waheen tak jayengey, aapko chod den'

She hesitatingly but swiftly went and tried to retrieve that huge Samsonite bag from the rick. Both the rick guys came to help her and pulled out the shiny heave bag.

'Aaj kal suitcase bhee make up kar ke miltey hain' RB joked to himself.

They walked through puddles of rain water and reached his rick.

'Saheb' he told the half asleep man in the rick, 'Madame bhee jayengee safed pul tak, inka rickshaw band pad gaya.'

Vinod sprung back to life, just what he needed, a hot young damsel wet and in need of help.

'Hi, please come, sorry for your rick, dont worry i'm going that way too, i will drop you there.'

She handed him the bag, thinking he looked quite handsome in this dark, thick night. He looked well behaved and sophisticated too. His clothes were crisp and well ironed looking like he'd just started his day.

Both were not the kind of people who would get excited at meeting the first person of the opposite sex but there was just something in that night.
Maybe it was dozens of movies which epitomized fleeting love affairs in the rain. It was wet, it was cold and they were the only people on the road, all this heightened their senses and a strange excitement sprang up.

RB started the engine and in his nonchalant style started belting at the speed of light, it dint really matter that he couldn't see anything, as long as he knew he was on the road and not off it.

Vinod saw Kamini rubbing her arms trying to get comfortable in that chilly night.

'Here please take this, i have an extra one, you're already wet and this will help.'

She took it gladly, it was freshly perfumed, nice and earthy. What a brilliant turn of events this had been she thought in her mind.

'Here let me help you.'

Vinod was about to put his jacket over her head when he saw wet sand on her bare arms. Instinct told him not to, but impetus came from somewhere, it was a heady mix, that night, he brushed the sand off.'Sorry there was some sand on your arms.''Thats alright, thanks' she said with a nervous smile, very taken by surprise at his hand touching her cold, wet skin.

She pushed back Vinod's bag which by now was resting on her neck, Vinod turned and pushed it perfectly stuffing in place. 'What an ugly bag you are grey and torn, compared to hers' he said in his mind.

They started talking. First time in the night everyone was happy. First time in the night Vinod was thanking RB for belting his auto and going over those potholes, thanks to that mad speed and no suspensions whatsoever on that rickety auto, his hand was banging against Kamini's body every single minute.

They discussed the day they were having, how its so not safe for a woman to be on her own in such a dark, lonely night. They discussed their jobs and their bosses, their schools and their friends. Neither of them had had such a freewheeling conversation with anyone else in the last 4-5 years.

'Saheb aage ek dhaba hai, ruk ke khana kha leejiye, Safed Pul abhee kaafee duur hai.'

'I love you RB, mere baap kaam bana daala', Vinod was about to burst out saying these words but he dint need to, his face showed his immense happiness, he was gleaming like a child seeing his first bicycle does.

Kamini was in accordance too, she was hungry and she had good company, why let such a man go to waste? At least lets evaluate the option.

They got off pulling the jacket over their heads and pulling their bottoms as they ran. It was still raining pretty heavily.

RB dint really care about the rain, meanwhile Vinod realised he needed to get their bags out of the rick.
'Saaheb main lata hoon, rukiye' RB shouted guessing the look on Vinod's face.
Vinod squirmed for a bit but carried on holding Kamini's hand.

RB came running and shaking like a wet dog trying to get dry. He put the two bags down, doing that he could not help but smile at himself, look at the difference between these 2 bags.

They sat down to eat, steamy anda burjee and chai completed the experience.

'The same cold and rain were making me feel so irritated an hour back, now it feels like such a perfect setting' Vinod said in his mind. Exactly in front of him Kamini seemed to be echoing same emotions in her mind.

'Some good company and lots of cash' Vinod grinned to himself. He had his eyes on the big Samsonite bag as much as he'd had his eyes on Kamini.

His own bag though torn and filthy was full of the day's loot, the rich marwari couple he had given a lift in his car who he then mugged at knifepoint and left them in the middle of the jungle. When his car ran out of fuel he'd thought he was in for a shitty night but then RB turned up and Kamini was stranded with a huge red bag in need of help. 'So the cash registers are still running!' he almost laughed.

RB had similar thoughts, he was on the lookout for a hapless traveller when he saw this young seemingly rich man looking for a lift. Looking at his car he knew this guy was rich, the dirty bloody bag in his hand dint make sense somehow but there must be something in it,he thought.

And then came Kamini with her expensive bag mostly full of jewellery and some cash.

Vinod was on a high, he thought he was the thug here and those two were the victims.

He got up to go the loo, leaving the bag unattended first time that night.

Kamini had started to get some strange vibes from RB, the way he was looking at her bag again and again. But she could not carry it anywhere and Vinod was missing for the last 15 mins. She began to feel increasingly uncomfortable with RB. His eyes kept alternating between her blouse and her bag. In a way it made her feel good, she had two guys from the diametrical ends of the social spectrum salivating all over her sari.A sari in the rains has that effect.

She wanted to go pull up her blouse that had slipped an inch or two thanks to the rain.RB was catching these gestures all the time...Kamini was trying to pull her blouse up, trying to throw her pallu over the blouse but everything was just so transparent.She decided it would be better if she just wore a new blouse, this one was so wet.She fondled her handbag. RB chuckled to himself 'What now, she has a blouse in her handbag??'

She took her handbag and asked RB to wait till she goes and changes.

RB's heart started thumping faster and faster.

'Haan madame jaaiye, hum hain na.'

Kamini disappeared into the black night. Vinod was busy doing god knows what, there could'nt be a better moment , RB thought to himself.

He looked at both the bags, he had a clear choice: pick up one and make a dash, on second thought he could make use of both, he realised he could pick up one and come back for the other one.

Should it be the Red, shiny, expensive suitcase or that small but heavy, filthy grey bag?

The choice was simple, why risk getting caught with that grey bag, belt with the red bag first, even if Kamini catches him it wont be too much of a fight. He picked up the heavy bag and ran not caring the rain, to his rick. He fitted it somehow in the back and made sure it doesnt fall out.

Adrenaline was rushing into his veins, he felt faster, stronger than he'd ever felt. He ran back to see if either of them had returned to that charpoy. There was no one except a wrinkly old dog looking for some food near the charpoy. He ran towards the charpoy, his heart was beating faster than he was running or was it the other way round? He got into this zone where all rationality leaves you and greed takes over. He was meters away from the charpoy when Vinod came out, wiping his face with his handkerchief. His first glance was the charpoy and second glance was a running RB.

RB realised too late that he'd come out and tried to stop and run back,but inertia pushed him ahead.

He almost landed in Vinod's arms.

He looked at Vinod's face which was changing colors faster than a chameleon. It went from pink to red to bright yellow. He followed his gaze and saw that the charpoy just had the bright red sari Kamini had worn and nothing else. He could not understand what had happened or why was this guy looking the way he was or why was the sari there.

He realised and broke away from Vinod and started running back, who had started following him. They both reached the rick where RB dashed to the controls to start it.

'Plonk' came a strong punch right across his ears, numbing his ears and sending a shooting pain everywhere in his body.

Vinod jumped in, picked up the red bag and tried to open it, there was brown wet sand dripping from the sides of the suitcase, it opened with a thump and he saw what made the suitcase so heavy, sand and bricks!

RB gained composure and looked at the bag lying on the ground, he couldnt decide what hurt more...the punch or seeing the constituents of that bag.

On the other side of the road they heard the peculiar sound of an auto engine.

The last vision that night Vinod and RB saw was a grinning Jhonny and Kamini in the auto speeding away! and the grey, torn, filthy bag in Kamini's arms.

A second chance

Yes I’ve got to do this! Amma said I’m not good for anything, well I am going to show you and the wretched world that I am special. I know he is watching and he wants me to prove to all of you that I am his child, brave and fearless!

I am sick and tired, angry and hateful for what these bastards have done. The videos Mehsud bhai showed us yesterday showed our women getting raped and butchered in Gujarat in front of those fucking impotent thullas, madarchod saale. We have wasted all our lives sitting here in India when our brothers are being killed everyday by those fucking Jews, pushing us out of the land that was rightfully ours, the land that has saw the muslim faith fight and conquer.

My wife will be proud of me. Better being the widow of a hero than being the wife of a coward. My kids, I’l miss them. Rukhsana, Rukhi when you were born I looked into your eyes and saw Allah himself, i felt like I had created something, something so fragile yet beautiful, so sacred and pure. I wish I could have been there when you would get married, when you would grow up into this beautiful young woman full of grace. But I know you would understand, please take care of your mother and your brother, you know he needs you to guide him, even though he’s older to you he lacks your sense of responsibility and values. Ahmer, there is not a single moment that I haven’t felt proud of being your father. I love you my son, you will carry my name forward in this world. Protect your mother and your sister from the filthy eyes of those hindu bastards. Pretty soon I will do my duty but your duty, my son, will carry on for years. You have a bigger responsibility. Teach our brothers, tell them of the injustice and humiliation meted upon us by the bastards. Tell them how everyday we are meant to feel inferior and different because of our facial hair the clothes we wear. Tell them how all of them would end up becoming either mechanics or drivers while these hindus flourish. This is their country not ours. Our land is far from here, we are unfortunate enough to be born in a foreign land, to be living as refugees at the mercy of their will. You are back from school and as usual your shirt’s all smeared and grimy. I wish I could stay and see you both grow up but don’t worry Mehsud bhai and others will take care of you.

“Ji, what are you staring at the walls for? Aren’t you supposed to be in the garage? Roshan bhai left you early today?”

“Haan Begum, he shut the garage early today, it’s his daughter’s birthday and you know how these rich hindus like to make a show of everything they can spend money on just to put us down.”

“What has gotten into you these days Mushtaque? Roshan bhai has been so kind to us, thanks to him our kids go to school, thanks to him we always have food on our table.”

“Begum, staying with these infidels you have forgotten who puts the food on your plate and who gives you the pleasure of being able to taste and appreciate it. He pays me money because I toil day and night for him, I am the best he has”

“Accha forget it, its Rukhi’s birthday tomorrow, take tomorrow off and we will all go for a nice picnic”

“Noora, I cant take the day off, I have to go with Roshan to meet a dealer at 12:00 tomorrow. We will take both kids to the park tomorrow morning. I will leave from there for work and you can come back with the children.”

“ok come have dinner and lets have an early night tonight.”

I can see your beautiful face now. I can see why all the boys were jealous of me. That bugger Salim stopped talking to me when he came to know of us, guess he always liked you and I somehow got you. I remember how I would sit and wonder in stupid excitement how I ever got a beauty like you. I know things dint turn out the way you thought they would. Sorry I dropped out of college, I was never made for that. Maybe Salim could have taken better care of you, given you what you deserve. But tomorrow you will cry in pride. This is my gift to you. Allah will be with us, I am doing this for him, giving myself up for his cause and he will always look over all of you. I wish I could keep staring at you, that this night would go on endlessly, go on and on till I feel like I can have no more, till I feel I am ready to move on. Amma never really understood me, after Abba left she always thought I would take care of her but I did my best didn’t I? I am proud of being a garage mechanic, I work hard, I work with sweat and grease, I work to restore things just like Allah does. I am sorry I could not provide you with a better life. But you pushed me so far away that I don’t even want to see you before I go.
Noora, I want to curl up and hang on to you, feel every second passing because this is all I am holding in my fists. I want to leave this world with the picture of your beautiful face lit by the playful moon. I can feel tears, huge salty tears, filling up my eyes and blurring everything in my vision. Tomorrow I will leave like these tears that have left my body, never to return, only to disappear in the air leaving the salt behind.

My head feels heavy and I am feeling sleepy just like every night, but is it like every night? What do I do? Do I sleep because all human beings do so at night? Or do I make myself realize that tomorrow I won’t be human anymore. To be human is to have life, to have blood and pulse, to have a head and eyes to see. Tomorrow I will have none. I will be with Allah, much more than human but not a human, not in this world, not around these trees and not drinking this water. Rukhi here you go again lecturing your elder brother! As if he is going to listen to you. Ahmer what! How did you grow so tall overnight? And what’s that in your hand? A kada? Ahmer have you lost your fucking senses? You bloody fucker who the fuck gave you that? No Rukhi don’t leave baba, you and Bilal can stay with us. The fucking pony, that bloody pony with the head of a goat that I used to have nightmares about. You don’t scare me anymore you don’t even exist, see I figured that out, I have been to the zoo and even that Discovery channel never showed a pony with a goat’s head. Yes we can go play tomorrow now that we are friends but don’t put your filthy head in my plate. Abba and I eat together in this plate. Let’s play gulli danda. You can’t stand with your feet up in the air can you? Oh poor you.

Damn its so bloody bright outside. Who opened the windows? “Begum”. “pull the bloody curtains, this sunlight is going to make me go blind!”. “What time is it?”. “Fuck its 9 o clock”.

“Ouch”, this tape hurts. Allah, shaving all the hair made me feel clean, made me feel like I am reborn filled with innocence and ready for a new beginning. But these tapes hurt. These strips of explosives will thunder inwards and will leave destruction and vengeance outwards. My chest feels so heavy with these strips. I can’t believe this wire holds my life in minute balance. One pull and this body would vaporize. I need to be careful with this. Especially, with the children around for the next few hours.

“haha, see how happy she is?” “Yes Begum, you know she loves parks and trees.” “Rukhi, come here beta.”

“Rukhi how much do you love your papa?”

“as much as the ice cream man loves his ice cream.”

“haha, but beta the ice cream man has to let go of the ice cream. He sells it to others. He doesn’t even get to have it. How can he love it?”

“just the way you love me and want me all to yourself but know one day you would give me away to someone.”

My tears are pushing against the walls of my eyes. It feels like a dam is going to burst and everything would be flooded but how do I cry? How do I tell you darling that I am only going to be a picture in your drawing room from today?

“What happened papa? Why do you look so sad? It’s my birthday today. Let’s go play on the new ride. You need to push me and when I fall you need to catch me. Ok? I love the air. It makes me feel like I can fly. Lets go papa, c’mon lets go please?”

“take your brother beta, I have pain in my legs.”

“Mushtaque, listen to the girl na, entertain her, you only got another hour to go before you leave for work.”

She looks so innocent and full of life on that swing. I push her so she goes higher, I realize she’s only going further away. I don’t want to push you away. I know it makes you feel free beta but I feel like I am pushing you away. “Bas beta, go slow”.

“No, a little more, don’t worry it wont hurt.”

“Papa, push me higher I want to see what’s beyond the fence.”

“Beta, see your shoes slipped off, wait let me get them.”

I walk around to pick her shoe and I can see her face bright and shining, the sun suits her, makes her look radiant. She does look free. Can she see beyond that fence though?

“papaaaaaa…………”

“Oh betaaaa!!!! You are gonna fall, be careful, oh fuck”

I lunge forward to catch her, life really feels like a cricket match on action replay. Oh she’s safe! Thankfully I can reach that far. Here you are. Aaahhh. But no!! Oh God no!! no baby I cant catch you, I have death strapped to my body, no baby don’t, oh Allah no its all going so slow still I can’t seem to get my way out of this. Allah please don’t let this happen, let her fall, let her hurt her head rather than disappear in my arms forever. No Allah no I carry this on in your name. Rukhi!!!!! No don’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A sharp pain in every single nerve of his body, he’d never felt more alive than he felt now, while he saw Rukhi reaching his arms. Just before the blast came the explosion of emotions, of guilt of regret but mostly of helplessness. It was as if he was an outsider watching a movie disconnected with what he saw. The moment dint last forever. A loud thundering blast followed, vibrations that shook every tree, every swing in the area nearby, organs disintegrated into unrecognizable pieces and the last fraction of time when he saw the flash and truth of what he’d done dint seem to stop.

With this he woke up with a heavy sweat, sweat trickled down like he was a fish just out of water. He felt the bomb tied to his chest, fully conscious of the reality, of the dream that had made him realize what it felt not being around Rukhi, Ahmer and Noora. He pulled out the bomb, threw it and washed his face. Rukhi dint want to see that ugly beard today, she wanted her daddy clean and handsome.