Saturday, April 24, 2010

Lets play!

'This is a place with extreme weather, when it rains it bloody comes down like buckets on ecstacy'.
With these words under her breath Kaamini pulled her feet inside, no use though, her new shoes were already drenched. She tried to look outside and all she saw was rain, thick, heavy drops of water making it impossible to see anything else. The streetlights appeared as small balls of fire trying to make their way through a huge, dense waterfall. It was exactly this kind of night that she was not very comfortable in but she dint really have much of an option.The rickshaw driver behaving the way he was, wasn't making it any easier. Jhonny, the way he was called by everyone was not in the best of his moods. but then was he ever in a good mood?

'Why should i be in a good mood? what do i have that should instill happiness and exuberance in me?'

There was no exchange of words, it would have been futile in any case, the roar of the water gushing through the air would make any words or shouts incomprehensible.

Kamini asked the same question she had asked 10 times already 'Kab pahuchengey'?

Jhonny shouted back 'Abhee time hai', something that he'd said all the 10 times she asked him the question.

Jhonny shouted this and turned his head back to the road, and exactly the same moment the rickshaw made a spluttering sound, like a pigeon caught in the blades of a table fan the engine made dying noises.

splutterrr....sprutttt.....sprruuuutttttt.....

And there it was, the engine was dead.

'What more could go wrong with this bloody night' she said. Jhonny completely disregarded and stopped on the side of the road.

Minutes passed before a truck passed, but the driver was in no mood to slow down, his reflexes cut by a tenth thanks to the desi tharra he had just had on the last stop.

Half an hour and a lot of curse words later a rickshaw appeared. Jhonny thrust his hand out in the rain. The rick stopped. Even in that dark night she could see the rick driver smiling.

'Thhhhuuuuu' out came an endless deep red stream of chewed pan masala splattered on the gravel, in a shape only a earnest paintbrush could make.
Barely wiping his mouth clean he opened his mouth again, words came out this time
'Kya hua?' Ram badan asked rather jestingly,
'Band pad gayee gadiyaa' Jhonny said. He added 'Madame ko Safed Pul tak chod da zara, hum gadiya ko dekh lengey'

Kamini shot an angry look towards Jhonny, it was not the sort of night you take lift from strangers. But soon realised this was her only option to get out of here and this creepy rick guy.

RB saw the chemistry between them and knew she would be more comfortable in his rick around 2 men than she was with that weirdo Jhonny.

'Aeye madame, saheb bhee waheen tak jayengey, aapko chod den'

She hesitatingly but swiftly went and tried to retrieve that huge Samsonite bag from the rick. Both the rick guys came to help her and pulled out the shiny heave bag.

'Aaj kal suitcase bhee make up kar ke miltey hain' RB joked to himself.

They walked through puddles of rain water and reached his rick.

'Saheb' he told the half asleep man in the rick, 'Madame bhee jayengee safed pul tak, inka rickshaw band pad gaya.'

Vinod sprung back to life, just what he needed, a hot young damsel wet and in need of help.

'Hi, please come, sorry for your rick, dont worry i'm going that way too, i will drop you there.'

She handed him the bag, thinking he looked quite handsome in this dark, thick night. He looked well behaved and sophisticated too. His clothes were crisp and well ironed looking like he'd just started his day.

Both were not the kind of people who would get excited at meeting the first person of the opposite sex but there was just something in that night.
Maybe it was dozens of movies which epitomized fleeting love affairs in the rain. It was wet, it was cold and they were the only people on the road, all this heightened their senses and a strange excitement sprang up.

RB started the engine and in his nonchalant style started belting at the speed of light, it dint really matter that he couldn't see anything, as long as he knew he was on the road and not off it.

Vinod saw Kamini rubbing her arms trying to get comfortable in that chilly night.

'Here please take this, i have an extra one, you're already wet and this will help.'

She took it gladly, it was freshly perfumed, nice and earthy. What a brilliant turn of events this had been she thought in her mind.

'Here let me help you.'

Vinod was about to put his jacket over her head when he saw wet sand on her bare arms. Instinct told him not to, but impetus came from somewhere, it was a heady mix, that night, he brushed the sand off.'Sorry there was some sand on your arms.''Thats alright, thanks' she said with a nervous smile, very taken by surprise at his hand touching her cold, wet skin.

She pushed back Vinod's bag which by now was resting on her neck, Vinod turned and pushed it perfectly stuffing in place. 'What an ugly bag you are grey and torn, compared to hers' he said in his mind.

They started talking. First time in the night everyone was happy. First time in the night Vinod was thanking RB for belting his auto and going over those potholes, thanks to that mad speed and no suspensions whatsoever on that rickety auto, his hand was banging against Kamini's body every single minute.

They discussed the day they were having, how its so not safe for a woman to be on her own in such a dark, lonely night. They discussed their jobs and their bosses, their schools and their friends. Neither of them had had such a freewheeling conversation with anyone else in the last 4-5 years.

'Saheb aage ek dhaba hai, ruk ke khana kha leejiye, Safed Pul abhee kaafee duur hai.'

'I love you RB, mere baap kaam bana daala', Vinod was about to burst out saying these words but he dint need to, his face showed his immense happiness, he was gleaming like a child seeing his first bicycle does.

Kamini was in accordance too, she was hungry and she had good company, why let such a man go to waste? At least lets evaluate the option.

They got off pulling the jacket over their heads and pulling their bottoms as they ran. It was still raining pretty heavily.

RB dint really care about the rain, meanwhile Vinod realised he needed to get their bags out of the rick.
'Saaheb main lata hoon, rukiye' RB shouted guessing the look on Vinod's face.
Vinod squirmed for a bit but carried on holding Kamini's hand.

RB came running and shaking like a wet dog trying to get dry. He put the two bags down, doing that he could not help but smile at himself, look at the difference between these 2 bags.

They sat down to eat, steamy anda burjee and chai completed the experience.

'The same cold and rain were making me feel so irritated an hour back, now it feels like such a perfect setting' Vinod said in his mind. Exactly in front of him Kamini seemed to be echoing same emotions in her mind.

'Some good company and lots of cash' Vinod grinned to himself. He had his eyes on the big Samsonite bag as much as he'd had his eyes on Kamini.

His own bag though torn and filthy was full of the day's loot, the rich marwari couple he had given a lift in his car who he then mugged at knifepoint and left them in the middle of the jungle. When his car ran out of fuel he'd thought he was in for a shitty night but then RB turned up and Kamini was stranded with a huge red bag in need of help. 'So the cash registers are still running!' he almost laughed.

RB had similar thoughts, he was on the lookout for a hapless traveller when he saw this young seemingly rich man looking for a lift. Looking at his car he knew this guy was rich, the dirty bloody bag in his hand dint make sense somehow but there must be something in it,he thought.

And then came Kamini with her expensive bag mostly full of jewellery and some cash.

Vinod was on a high, he thought he was the thug here and those two were the victims.

He got up to go the loo, leaving the bag unattended first time that night.

Kamini had started to get some strange vibes from RB, the way he was looking at her bag again and again. But she could not carry it anywhere and Vinod was missing for the last 15 mins. She began to feel increasingly uncomfortable with RB. His eyes kept alternating between her blouse and her bag. In a way it made her feel good, she had two guys from the diametrical ends of the social spectrum salivating all over her sari.A sari in the rains has that effect.

She wanted to go pull up her blouse that had slipped an inch or two thanks to the rain.RB was catching these gestures all the time...Kamini was trying to pull her blouse up, trying to throw her pallu over the blouse but everything was just so transparent.She decided it would be better if she just wore a new blouse, this one was so wet.She fondled her handbag. RB chuckled to himself 'What now, she has a blouse in her handbag??'

She took her handbag and asked RB to wait till she goes and changes.

RB's heart started thumping faster and faster.

'Haan madame jaaiye, hum hain na.'

Kamini disappeared into the black night. Vinod was busy doing god knows what, there could'nt be a better moment , RB thought to himself.

He looked at both the bags, he had a clear choice: pick up one and make a dash, on second thought he could make use of both, he realised he could pick up one and come back for the other one.

Should it be the Red, shiny, expensive suitcase or that small but heavy, filthy grey bag?

The choice was simple, why risk getting caught with that grey bag, belt with the red bag first, even if Kamini catches him it wont be too much of a fight. He picked up the heavy bag and ran not caring the rain, to his rick. He fitted it somehow in the back and made sure it doesnt fall out.

Adrenaline was rushing into his veins, he felt faster, stronger than he'd ever felt. He ran back to see if either of them had returned to that charpoy. There was no one except a wrinkly old dog looking for some food near the charpoy. He ran towards the charpoy, his heart was beating faster than he was running or was it the other way round? He got into this zone where all rationality leaves you and greed takes over. He was meters away from the charpoy when Vinod came out, wiping his face with his handkerchief. His first glance was the charpoy and second glance was a running RB.

RB realised too late that he'd come out and tried to stop and run back,but inertia pushed him ahead.

He almost landed in Vinod's arms.

He looked at Vinod's face which was changing colors faster than a chameleon. It went from pink to red to bright yellow. He followed his gaze and saw that the charpoy just had the bright red sari Kamini had worn and nothing else. He could not understand what had happened or why was this guy looking the way he was or why was the sari there.

He realised and broke away from Vinod and started running back, who had started following him. They both reached the rick where RB dashed to the controls to start it.

'Plonk' came a strong punch right across his ears, numbing his ears and sending a shooting pain everywhere in his body.

Vinod jumped in, picked up the red bag and tried to open it, there was brown wet sand dripping from the sides of the suitcase, it opened with a thump and he saw what made the suitcase so heavy, sand and bricks!

RB gained composure and looked at the bag lying on the ground, he couldnt decide what hurt more...the punch or seeing the constituents of that bag.

On the other side of the road they heard the peculiar sound of an auto engine.

The last vision that night Vinod and RB saw was a grinning Jhonny and Kamini in the auto speeding away! and the grey, torn, filthy bag in Kamini's arms.

9 comments:

  1. Very catchy. Brilliant language, and very good pace.

    Just an observation,

    this part

    'Kamini asked the same question she had asked 10 times already 'Kabhi aayega bhaiya'?

    Jhonny though not in a mood to respond shouted back 'Abhee time hai', something that he'd said all the 10 times she asked him the question.'

    and this part

    Kamini wanted to slap Jhonny right across his face, 'Can you see there is a man sitting behind in that rick, asshole?' she wanted to say but realised this was her only option to get out of here and this creepy rick guy.

    Both the above parts would be good for a screen play. As a reader i felt I was deliberately misled by these. Maybe you could have created the same feeling for the reader by describing the emotion in the setting rather than using the emotion in the character.

    Just something that struck me immediately when i read the ending.
    Not intending to be critical.

    Cheers! Keep up the good work.

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  2. thanx dude

    comments really help

    i wrote this in half an hour in office yesterday thats why there are spelling mistakes etc, was going to edit it today.

    i get the point, i wanted to mislead the reader but these 2 instances do more than mislead. They contradict. If mislead is done by way of settings it wouldn really contradict but yes if its in terms of words or thoughts the character has the its that much more stark and stands out.

    got it

    thanks a lot!

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  3. Hey very good stuff..its gripping till the end.

    And i see u've edited it but just wanted to know why u let this line be...
    "But soon realised this was her only option to get out of here and this creepy rick guy."

    Doesnt it still contradict the end

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  4. and btw is that what u used to be so busy doing in ofice till 8 everyday!? ;)

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  5. wow dude...that was one smashing story...almost Hitchcockian!!! very nicely paced...and its not easy to pull off some of the lines without sounding corny...you did fantastic...at times, it was almost visual...you got a new fan and reader in me...keep writing...good stuff!!!

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  6. I agree with the bong...
    I was at the edge of my chair in office :)
    And what choice of names for the characters - Ram Badan! I like I like :)
    One doesn't know where the story is going to go - and then suddenly it unfolds! N.I.C.E.

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  7. Thank you very very much boys...coming from you guys it means a lot.

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  8. Good one man!!!
    Though agree with Sohan

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  9. @ ankush @ sohan
    i agree but i had to build in a third person's perspective....Moreover Kamini saying in her head...that she needs to get out and rather not be around the 'creepy guy'doesnt contradict. Kamini as have tried to portray is a woman with mixed emotions...she could be working with the rick guy but that need not imply she loves her job.

    what dya think?

    ReplyDelete